Stimulus Vs. Response

As I discussed in my previous post, I am a big fan of Steven Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. One of the stories he relates is that of a Viktor Frankl – a prisoner of a Nazi concentration camp. Despite the horrible torture and treatment that Frankl was subjected to, he maintained that he was more “free” than his captors. While his captors were bound by both responsibility in their duties in the prison and by their hatred toward those they held captive, he was free choose his own response to whatever happens to him.

I found this story to be extremely powerful. It is hard to imagine someone under these circumstances who wouldn’t consider himself to be a victim and give up all hope. Instead, he remained resilient and strong. Applying this concept to your life gives you such power and control.

How often do you find yourself saying something like, “he made me mad”? I know I certainly do. But, if you think about this statement and relate it back to the lessons from Frankl you realize it makes no sense. Mad is your response to whatever the person did. You have the power to choose your response. So, no one can make you mad, you can simply choose to be mad in response to the actions of someone. To say that they made you mad gives them the power to control your emotions.

This all boils down to a common problem – the victim mentality. People who choose to give away their ability to control their responses. These are people who blame those around them for their mood and all of their problems. All of the misfortunes in their life are the results of those around them, out of their control, leaving them completely free of blame and a victim to their circumstances. Once you realize that you can control your response to everything that happens to you, you gain the ability to be more logical and think with your mind instead of your emotions. This gives you a far more positive attitude and outlook on life.

This is, of course, easier said than done. I think it is just human nature to immediately react with an emotional response when something negative happens. Even as a strong believer in this theory, I still find that it is work to overcome the initial emotional response with a logical, beneficial response. Depending on the stimulus, this can be extremely difficult.

I tend to think about this concept a lot whenever I am stuck in heavy traffic. Obviously, no one likes to be stuck in heavy traffic. I tend to find myself becoming frustrated and upset, and have to remind myself that I am choosing to be frustrated, and that being frustrated won’t benefit me in any way. Instead, I think about the fact that it gives me time to listen to the radio or contemplate the world. Similarly, when someone cuts me off in traffic or nearly hits my vehicle, despite my initial desire to yell at them, I just think that there is no reason to be angry, that would just ruin my day and put me in a bad mood, and with all the great things in my life someone cutting me off in traffic has no effect at all in the grand scheme of things. When I see people who become visibly angry in traffic reacting to those around them, I feel sorry for them. Their days are being ruined by their inability to control their emotions. I often wonder how bad their lives must be if they get so angry over something that is really so minor in the grand scheme of the world.